I read beautiful, sad, and eye opening words on Instagram the other day. These words were from a fellow Type 1 Diabetic, rather her mom because she's four years old, and it really got me reflecting.
Reflecting like a mad woman.
(Read said post here: Type 1 Toddler)
I know this disease is a constant and invisible present in my life- but I really didn't think about how it effected my identity.
In the three, almost four, years I've been diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes I haven't thought of myself as myself.
I'm numbers, calculations, worry, and anxiety.
Some days are better than others and some days I want to scream at the top of my lungs, but every day this disease defines me.
They fail to mention how much of a mental toll this disease can have on a person. It's much more than insulin, needles, and robotic-like parts that keep me alive every single second of the day. It goes to a deeper level.
The heaviness that weighs on me is invisible but constant, even when I "forget" it's there, subconsciously I always know.
Which got me thinking about how I haven't thought of myself as Emily, but a diabetic, and my psyche being anything but what I preach about.
This could be why I despise mediation, or when I hit an emotional roadblock in my practice, I put the brakes on and change directions.
It's a coping strategy, and it works. I don't have to think or reflect or face the truth.
In my past two blogs, I've been preaching about empowerment and the use of "I Am"- our inner dialogue. And while I was practicing what I wrote about, my identity was still Diabetic.
Everyone has something they tie themselves too. Something that isn't necessarily positive- we might even be ashamed of it.
Can you think of what you identify with?
I identify with a disease that's invisible to most people and that requires me to always to be on my game, while you might identify with something equally important and challenging.
How can we get ourselves back to ourSelves?
I don't have the answers, in fact, I truly believe there are demons will be fighting for the rest of our lives, but we can change how we identify with ourselves and our shadows.
We are NOT a victim.
We are capable, strong, resilient, and powerful beyond measure and it's about time we remember that! Yeah?
First, we have to create a space where we feel comfortable enough to start staring that demon, shadow, negativity, in the face.
It could be your yoga practice, meditation, cardio session, work out session, journaling time, or prayer.
We must confront it, before we can begin to facilitate healing it.
So for right now, I'm focusing on creating that space- just creating and accepting. It could take a very long time or a short amount of time, but I'm going to naturally let it happen.
What about you? Care to take this journey with me?
It'll be hard and at times we might want to retreat to when life was the way it is now- comfortably numb.
This is no way to live.
We are powerful. We are radiant. We are not this disease, identity, pattern, emotion. We have control. We are powerful.
If you want to start on this journey with me, let's talk! How are we going to start creating, nurturing and facilitating healing in ourselves?
I LOVE sharing ideas, stories, and struggles- I believe it heals.
With so much love,
A yogi with the passion to transform and inspire others along their path.